Understanding gender discrimination means understanding opportunities and constraints as they affect men as well as women. Men's attitudes and behaviours are strongly influenced by what society expects of them as men. Often they are constrained by a hierarchical structure which says that a "real man":

• will demand what he wants,
• provides for the family but is entitled to use the family resources as he chooses, sometimes putting personal pleasure above family care;
• is strong, he does not recognise or admit to uncertainty - this would be seen as a sign of weakness;
• does not show emotion, another sign of weakness.

Of course the reality is often very different. In cultures where patriarchal behaviour is accepted as the only proper family structure, men and women may be trapped in a pattern of relationships and dependencies that can frustrate them both. (The State of the World Population 2000).

Men who cannot live up to the expectations that they should be powerful and competent, may resort to violence or turn to drugs and alcohol as an escape, or become extremely macho and take risks. The underlying reasons may be:

• unemployment, lack of skills
• frustrations at the workplace
• inability to be family provider
• low self esteem
• low academic standards
• expectation that must be in control and solve problems
• need to maintain status in eyes of male peers
• powerlessness in relation to sexuality
• difficulty in communicating and expressing emotion
• aggressive women
• violent experience in childhood
• unable/unwilling to seek counseling (shows weakness)

Both women and men feel the stress, but it's the women who suffer most. Even if they understand the causes they often have no means of dealing with it.

Helping men and women to communicate is important to strengthening relationships, eliminating gender equality and reducing violence.